FIFA does PR Chinese-style

If you’ve ever witnessed a Chinese marketing event, you’ll know that it’s going to feature several things:

Hot girls wearing few clothes:

Hot girl

A random ‘cultural’ performance:

Peking operaMore hot girls:

Hot chick car wash

And a slightly strange dance that no one really understands but is appreciative of nevertheless:

Thousand arms

But plenty of events have these things, not just in China. So what makes the Chinese take on it different? It needs two particular qualities:

1. It should be beautifully executed, but the message that they are trying to put across should be impossible for any sane bystander to discern.

2. Eschew all intuitive links to the product, service or company being promoted. Real estate? Let’s have a stripper with a snake. Cameras? Bikini window cleaners.

I can only imagine a sort of inverted Mad Men thing going on somewhere:

‘Well, we felt that the brand needs to work with clients and influencers to build a strong, positive identity that will-‘
‘Tits!’
‘Tits?’
‘Tits. That’s what we need. Tits everywhere. And, I dunno, a lion dance or something. People like lion dances. Where’s my whisky?’

In any case, compare and contrast that with Fifa’s annual conference today.

Hot girls wearing few clothes:

fifa 12

A random ‘cultural’ performance:

fifa 1

More hot girls:

fifa 6

And a slightly strange dance that no one really understands but is appreciative of nevertheless:

fifa 9

Coherent messages conveyed: 0.

Links to brand: 0.

Unfortunately, Fifa just can’t bring the money-drunk, don’t-give-a-fuck pizazz that the Chinese manage to inject into all of their spectacles.

Result?

Number of people who think that Sepp Blatter shouldn’t be in jail: 0.

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